Aging is ongoing, and there’s nothing we can do about it, I guess. But who among us isn’t trying to game the system? I’m out here experimenting with all kinds of random anti-aging/ wellness shit (though it’s nothing surgical, which I don’t know, kinda feels like self-violence). But make no mistake, I’m highly skeptical of it all. This is due to my GenX conditioning, via Public Enemy’s timeless mandate: Don’t believe the hype!
Unfortunately hype is everywhere in the anti-aging space. Sifting through it is practically a full-time job, one that I don’t have time for. Somehow, between product recs from friends and highly-rated stuff from the internet, I’ve found a few precious things that seem to make a genuine difference in how I feel and how I look, and I’m gonna share them with you today. Please note that these are not one-and-done items. They’re lifestyle habits, and you have to do them consistently to feel and see results.
For face: The Ordinary Vitamin C Suspension 23%
Sure, fine, retinol is queen for busting wrinkles. But Vitamin C does something else. When I use this stuff regularly (as in, 3-4 nights a week, alternating with retinol) it seems to glow-filter my face, turning it into something that looks, well, younger. It smooths my pores and kind of illuminates everything, and the next morning my foundation goes on much easier and lasts longer. Did I mention it’s only $8?
For teeth: Sonicare toothbrush
Years ago when I was an extra on Hollywood movie sets, I watched a famous actress remove a tiny bottle of Listerine from her pocket and make her male co-star swish with it before their kissing scene. I thought it was insane back then, but I get it now: death can come in through the gums. Not only does the Sonicare power-wash my teeth, but it’s also improved my gum strength, leading to fewer of those scary “pockets” that my dentist is always bugging me about. Not gonna lie, this thing’s expensive, but it fucking works.
For body: foam roller
Oh jeez, here comes another thing we’re supposed to add to our workouts. But I swear to god, 10 minutes with this thing makes me feel 19 again. Rolling goes beyond basic stretching. It actually breaks up gnarly fascia and keeps both your muscles and your joints flexible. There are all kinds of rollers, but I like this smooth, high-density one, which I find much easier to control. You can find a beginner foam rolling workout on YouTube and go for it, but make sure you have nice stretchy leggings on so you can get maximum roll. Affordable!
For feet: Yoga Toes
This one was a rec from my dear friend Celia Chavez, a professional singer and musician who has toured the world on global stages, strutting around in high heels. The older I get the more I realize that feet are everything. Not to drag bunions into this, but let’s try and avoid them, shall we? I feel downright stupid wearing these toe spreaders, but after 20 min my feet somehow start to relax and align.
For puss: Sliquid lube
LUBE LUBE LUBE, people! I was a Planned Parenthood volunteer for almost a decade, and I learned all about lube. This stuff is water-based and light, but sticks around long enough for some serious action. Important note: don’t ever touch the nozzle to your fingertips or any part of your body, or you can risk serious bacterial infection. Hold the bottle above your hands, squeeze lightly and allow the lube to drip onto your fingers (or body parts). This stuff combined with twice-weekly Estradiol creme makes sexy time sexy again.
BONUS:
For gut: Ionbiome
I’ve recommended this shit to so many people, the company should give me an endorsement deal. It’s not a probiotic, it strengthens the gut lining at a cellular level and keeps everything in top shape. As a person with life-long gut issues, I can tell you that there are very few gut game-changers, but this one qualifies. I take one teaspoon at night before sleep, and another in the morning. Pricey, but even one bottle can improve a lot of conditions.
For mind: “An Arc of Doves” by Brian Eno
Meditation is free healthcare, and I’ve done it every day since I was a teenager. Do you think you don’t have time for it? This song is six and a half minutes of easeful bliss.