Flailing Upward
What other choice do we have?
Good lord, we’re already halfway through the year! My half-birthday falls in June, and I take it seriously. Time is moving faster, and there’s only so much diem left to carpe. Remember how when we were kids, we used to define our age this way: “I'm five and a half!” I still do that, at least in my mind. I’m fifty one and a half, and it’s time to take stock.
I’d love to tell you that I have a set of awesome, complicated metrics to measure my progress at this point in the year, but the truth is I only ever ask myself one question, “Am I flailing?”
I hate that feeling, and the images it brings to mind: the whale beached in shallow water, the bird stunned by a window slam, the snail flipped over in a crack on the sidewalk. A seething morass of confusion, frustration, and anxiety. At least animals don’t blame themselves when they flail. Humans turn on ourselves and marinate in blame. Not a healthy strategy!
In any case, this year all legit metrics for measuring flailing seem redundant, because Democracy itself is flailing, and so is the economy (maybe?), and so is feminism and all the gains that women, queers, and people of color have made in the past 200 years. Our healthcare is on the line, too. The ongoing threat of AI wiping out our jobs is also in the mix. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good that there are high-quality journalists who are reporting these things, so that we can see clearly what’s in front of us and know how to fight back. But we’re existing in a distinct atmosphere of flailing, and there’s no end in sight.
Radical question: how can we move against our instincts and thrive inside this atmosphere? I know only one way, and it’s by learning new skills. Open in my tabs right now is a compelling new professional certification that could help me bring greater value to my clients. I’ve also reactivated my Duolingo account (I know, I know!) so I can reactivate my French. And I’m listening to a friend who needs me to show up in a more sensitive way for her as she goes through an ongoing rough patch in her life.
It’s the middle of 2025, the middle of our fucking lives, and literally anything can happen. I’ve been on both sides of that reality, and so have you. We can’t know the future, but we can flip ourselves over and start inching toward the one we want. We can flail upward.
When I feel myself starting to actively flail, I tend to ask how can I get curious again about the thing at which I'm flailing to shift my energy relative to it all and reset the rhythm/tone.
My metric for measuring thriving versus flailing is... How's my nervous system doing? Am I able to calm it down? Most of the time... yes. (knock wood)
Instead of asking "Am I failing (or succeeding)?", I'd ask "Am I happy?"