From the Archive:Judy Reeves Thrives on Pleasure Snacks

She's a life-long writer, writing teacher, and author of an upcoming solo travel memoir with hot takes on censorship, menstruation and women's power.

Today we’re re-sharing one of our favorite interviews of all time.

JUDY REEVES

is a 70-something dynamo who has made her passion for writing a life-long career, one that she has shared with countless students, friends, and community members. Read all the way to the end for a brisk burst of inspiration!

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Hi Judy, welcome to the Womancake interview! How is your workday going?

My workday is going scattered, and well. I have to-do lists, several of them.

I relate to that very much. You are a celebrated author and writing teacher based in San Diego, and you have a memoir coming out in the fall. Will you talk a little bit about the book?

My memoir, “When Your Heart Says Go: My Year of Traveling Beyond Loss and Loneliness" comes out October 10. [It] came out of a journey that I took. When I was close to 50 years old, I had lost my husband, and I was in the midst of the grieving and the loss. And at that time I sold everything and bought an around-the-world airline ticket. I set off without an agenda by myself on a solo trip to see, who am I now? Now what?

There are many who have suffered loss, and who are grieving, whether it is the loss of a husband as mine was, loss of their career, loss of their children who have gone away to the next thing. So there's certainly that when I look at the pre-sales, [but], it was interesting to me that there were so many that like solo travel. I think a lot of women are saying, “Oh, hell yeah, I can do that!”, and good for them. And the other is that midlife change. You know, I think for me, the outside story of the travel is the container for the inside story, which is who will I become now. The question that I asked again and again in that book, saying, “I'm Judy Reeves, and I….” And I wanted to get to the place where I could say, “I'm Judy Reeves!”

I think that’s relatable at many different stages of life! You have an extensive background in the literary arts in America. When you look out over the landscape of art and culture in the country at this moment, what are you most inspired by, and what is most concerning to you?

What I'm especially inspired by is how many people want to tell their stories, and the recognition of how important our individual stories are. And I see that just in so many different ways, just not just in writing books, but in all the organizations that are coming together to share stories. I honestly think that's going to be what saves us as human beings, that connection of knowing each other. Now I'm very excited about indie presses, all the opportunities for writers and all the choices that they have. Including self publishing, including Substack, wow, that's exciting to me!

[But] some stories are being excluded. Some stories are being changed, the stories are taken out of context, presented not as fully as they could be. And they're being used to create more divisiveness, that concerns me. The other thing is political correctness, I guess we'll call it, as it's taken to an extreme whereby people are so afraid to say something. So I will say “fuck you!” to some of the political correctness that wants to take my words and censor them, “fuck you!” to those who want to ban books so that kids can't read what they need to. That controlling of the message by the loudest voices concerns me most.

I’m glad you brought that up, it’s important to keep pushing back on those voices. The theme of our new quarterly issue is “guilty pleasure”. Do you have a philosophy on the subject, and some guilty pleasures that you can share? 

Well, first of all, I wonder why we call them guilty. Like who told us that? Who told us that making popcorn at 11 o'clock at night, throwing a handful of M&Ms and turning on a rom-com, and taking it into your bedroom, who told us that I should feel guilty about that? “Bridesmaids” is my next one. I watch Jennifer Aniston, I watch Reese Witherspoon. I loved “Insecure”, that TV series. I watched “80 for Brady”, with my heroes Lily Tomlin, I’ve adored her since forever, and Jane Fonda.

Fantastic! Do you have any daily wellness habits or practices that are meaningful to you?

I begin every morning by sitting at my kitchen table, and writing in my journal. I often start with an inspirational book, and it will depend on what I'm reading at the time. Thich Nhat Hanh was yesterday, it might be Mary Oliver tomorrow. I love Ross Gay’s,  “The Book of Delights”. And I write in my journal, and have two cups of coffee, then I do a morning yoga practice.

Wow, it sounds very disciplined, I admire that! How does wisdom manifest at this stage of your life?

It has to do with that physical wellbeing that we must do. But it also has to do with the kind of wellbeing that has to do with our minds, and I think that's curiosity. I'm keeping that curiosity alive, and being involved in some kind of community, being involved in the larger world. I had to get some medicine for someone who was at a retirement home care village, and I went in, and they're were all of these people at the breakfast tables. And I thought, “My god, they're all the same!” I need young people in my life, you know, I need all these people in my life. But the other way that wisdom manifests, I think, is to be able to look at myself, and all of us as human beings with good humor. Looking at us with kindness, and looking at us, if not with compassion, which I hope I do, but at least with an open heart, and an open mind. I think that's just so important. 

I completely agree. What is an aspect of your character that you’ve grown to love, and one that you still struggle with?

When I was in junior high school, the boy that I was dating and wearing his ring on a chain around my neck told me I was the funniest girl he knew. I have wanted to be taken seriously, and be more elevated than maybe my personality allows. But I love that humor part of me. I think also, my vanity. I won't tell you how many different earrings I put on before our session today! But now I can laugh at myself. 

[My struggle] has to do with that same thing about saying those funny lines, it's the blurting that I do. I get myself in trouble sometimes. I think “Oh damn, I shouldn't have said it that way!” 

I appreciate your candor very much. Is there a female figure in your childhood that had a powerful impact on you?

Sunday morning comics, Brenda Starr reporter. I would be on my knees on the floor with comics out before me reading about her and her adventures. And what I always wanted to be was a writer. I've been a writer forever. I knew I wanted to travel the world, I knew I wanted adventures in my life. And I wouldn't mind a handsome man with an eyepatch! The other person would be my 11th grade English teacher, Mrs. Gatos, who played poetry with me, and she entered a poem that I had given her to a city wide contest, and I was invited to come and do a poetry workshop, the first I had even heard of.

She was the match that lit your spark! Will you share an event from your life that created a distinct “before” and “after”, and what kind of wisdom you gained from the “after”?

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I have celebrated 44 years of sobriety this year.

Congratulations, that is huge! 

Thank you. And the way that I got into a 12 step program was through meeting Tom Reeves, who was my husband and the man [in my memoir] who died. He brought me into the program. I'm not an avid AA goer anymore, but I absolutely believe that that program saved my life. And so in that way, he did, and then when he died, it was almost in a way he saved my life again, because after he died I just sold everything and took that trip and became Judy Reeves. And so that's who I am now, and how that wisdom that came with that is that I think we all need that time of solitude to look inside to be with ourselves, to ask ourselves those questions. You know, you have to be able to stand the solitude and live the questions. That self exploration and acceptance, so that then I can be more whole, who I’m meant to be in this world. And who knows from there. 

I’m learning that in my life, also. Would you like to share anything about your perimenopause or menopause experience, and any advice you would offer to women like myself who are going through it at this time?

I have some bad news for you: I'm 80 years old and I still have hot flashes. Especially in the summertime, especially with spicy food. My daughter is beginning to go through menopause now. I think girls are the strongest before they begin bleeding, and I think women are the strongest after they finish bleeding. Once we start bleeding, I think we become more of a sexual object. So before that, we're not concerned with that ourselves, and I think others aren't looking at us that way. And after menopause, it's the same. Not that sex ever stops, please God, but I'm not looked at as a sexual being anymore. This is not to say that I don't present myself or I don't accept myself as a sexual being, I still do.

But I think there's a power on either side that is just kind of held in abeyance during those years of having our periods. It takes up a certain amount of space in our lives. The Women's Museum here in San Diego is doing a beautiful thing. We're right on the border to Mexico, and there are so many people just on the other side of the border. [The Museum has] a place where we can bring women's sanitary supplies donations, and they take them down across the border. I just support that wholeheartedly. I’m from the day where we just didn't talk about it, it was so secret and even shameful. Now I'm so glad that it isn't. I remember celebrating with my granddaughter, “Call me up as soon as you begin your period!”. I wanted to hear about it, and she was all embarrassed, and I took a poem over to her and a red rose left it on her doorstep. It is a celebration that I didn't get to celebrate as a girl.

I think girls are the strongest before they begin bleeding, and I think women are the strongest after they finish bleeding. Once we start bleeding, I think we become more of a sexual object. So before that, we're not concerned with that ourselves, and I think others aren't looking at us that way. And after menopause, it's the same.

That's so beautiful, Judy, wow. Will you share a book or movie that you're currently enjoying?

I am currently reading “Thrust” by Lydia Yuknavich. It’s kind of magical realism. It’s very strongly feminist, and it's about the importance of story, particularly about marginalized people. I'm really enjoying that book, and I'm going slow, because I have a tendency to just like, rush through, and then I'm so sorry that I'm finished with it. 

I have to tell you about the perfection of the popcorn and the M&Ms and how you must prepare it. Right out of the microwave, you put it in your bowl, and you throw the handful of peanut m&ms in there, so that the chocolate gets melted, but the outside is still crunchy. And then there’s a brand of chocolate sorbet, [Talenti], because I don't do dairy. It seems to be extra creamier than other sorbets, especially the dark chocolate and the mango. It's the two scoops of chocolate, a scoop of mango and Milano dark chocolate cookies.

I also have to say that I rent an apartment from a couple of really good looking guys, and they're very young and strong. And so I can ask them to come up and open the container!

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

You can find Judy on her website, and you can also pre-order her memoir.

The information contained in this Womancake Magazine interview is intended for informational purposes only, and is not intended for the purpose of diagnosing, treating, curing or preventing any illness. Before using any products referenced in this piece, consult your healthcare providers, read all labels and head all cautions that come with the products. Information received from this piece, or anywhere in this magazine, should not be used in place of a consultation or advice form a healthcare provider. If you suspect you have any adverse conditions, please consult your healthcare providers immediately. This magazine, including Alicia Dara and any other writers or editors, disclaim any responsibility from any possible adverse effects from the use of any information contained herein. Opinions of any guests in this magazine are their own, and the magazine does not accept responsibility for statements made by guests. This magazine does not make any representations or warranties about a guest’s qualifications or credibility.

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