Ten Things I've Changed My Mind About
Plus one extra that I'll never change back.
Hi, I know that SNAP benefits are supposedly back on, but apparently it will take time for the system to fully function again. So I’m gonna ask again: please donate to your local food bank! Everyone needs help sometimes, and we can all afford to practice kindness and generosity with our neighbors (and please remember that some of them are children!).
Alright, in the spirit of encouraging personal growth and insight, now I’m gonna share some big MIND CHANGES I’ve experienced in my life. Share one of yours in the comments?
Ask anyone: I have opinions, and my opinions are robust and informed. Except the ones that aren’t. Those are more fear-based, anxious and sometimes just plain ignorant. I’ve certainly been guilty of “condemnation before investigation,” but I think that might be part of being human? In any case, I once held STRONGGG opinions about the following, but I’ve since changed my mind on them, and here’s why:
Horseshoe crabs. When I was 10 I had a horrible nightmare that I can still recall in detail, and it involved waking up on a beach covered in these things as they were eating through my skin and feasting on my organs. I KNOW! It was so vivid and terrifying that I developed a secret phobia of them, so much that I once turned down an invitation to a very cute guy’s summer home in Maine because it was “horseshoe season.” But I now understand that these crabs (which are actually closer in species to scorpions) are vital to the coastal ecosystem, being full of delicious fat that seabirds, sea turtles, sharks and other things need to survive. They also have some magic in their blood that scientists use to detect bacterial contamination in things like vaccines and other medical devices that we use every day. So big respect, horseshoes, and thanks for keeping us all safe, and I’ll meet you in Maine someday!
Spicy food. For a long, long time I was unable to tolerate anything but the mildest spices. I think my tongue is pumped up with extra tastebuds, because even tiny grains of pepper felt like big explosions. My gut couldn’t handle hot spices at all, and it was a constant source of anxiety around food. Don’t get me wrong, I love all kinds of food from spicy regions of the world, but I was always the “No stars, please!” loser at the restaurant table. But here in midlife, my taste buds and my gut have somehow calmed the fuck down, and I actually crave some heat. Holy shit, would you believe I can even enjoy sprinkles of raw onions on my tacos, now? I mean, I’m not gonna appear on “Hot Ones” any time soon, but life is currently much more flavorful than I ever thought it would be.
Social media. I’ve always been a sporadic user and scroller, but I thought it was harmless. Now I know what we all know, which is that it perpetrates real harm on our cranial and emotional capacities. During the past few years I’ve started leaning out of it. I’m even thinking about deleting some of my accounts, though there are some pics on there that I’d like to try and save before I do. In any case, I haven’t seen “The Social Dilemma,” the 2020 documentary on the subject, but it’s supposed to be excellent, and many people I know, especially parents, changed their entire social media strategy after watching it.
Black jeans are not dress pants. OH BUT THEY ARE! Fun fact: a few years ago I was invited to sing at a friend’s semi-formal wedding, and I was like, “Oh shit, do I have to rent a ball gown?” But I threw together this outfit: white satin tuxedo shirt, black satin tuxedo jacket, and black jeans with black heeled ankle boots. And it rocked, and I got tons of compliments. So yeah, black jeans, fam. Here’s a good pair.
Shaving my legs. I completely stopped during the Pandemic, and I’ve never gone back, except a few times when I wore a bathing suit to a fancy pool or beach. Full disclosure: I have the privilege of light body-hair, so you can’t really tell when I don’t shave (BTW, I recognize that this entire paradigm is informed by a certain gaze, etc, etc). In any case, shaving made my legs prone to patches of eczema in the winter and sunburn in the summer, so I’m done. I have a good friend who laser-ed away all her body hair years ago, and now she regrets it, and sometimes she pets my leg hairs! It’s weird, but I kinda get it.
Exfoliating. Same type of thing here. I used to exfoliate my face a few times a week with harsh physical scrubbers. It would make things soft and glowy for about 12 hours, then eczema would flare up. So now I use gentle retinol and Vitamin C products, and I think it’s actually making my skin stronger. As my clients in the beauty sector always say, “After 40, protect your barrier!”
Art museums. Whenever I visited a new city I would seek them out. But now I recognize the many layers of institutionalized gatekeeping that often excludes the most vital and important artists. These days I hunt for local galleries, and sometimes I’ll request a studio visit to an artist’s space if they have art for sale there. I’m not so jaded that I’ll pass up an opportunity to see some Big Painters and Sculptors if they’re showing in my town, but it doesn’t thrill me quite like it used to. Can I just say that I miss the old Etsy? It was such a great way to discover indie artists, but now it’s become slop-ified. I know Instagram is another source, but see #3 about social media above.
Rom coms. After “When Harry Met Sally” I kind of stopped caring about rom-coms. But Hubs has good taste in them, so I’ve come to embrace them as part of our nutritious cinema diet. One that I’ve loved in the past few years is, “Always Be My Maybe” starring Ali Wong. We’ve also been watching, “Nobody Wants This,” a rom-com series (both are on Netflix). Believe me, I’m well aware that the reality of finding love is rarely, if ever, how it’s portrayed in this genre, but sometimes it’s soothing and uplifting to watch people stumble and fumble toward each other, making all kinds of mistakes but doing it in good faith. And lord knows we could use some more examples of love winning, amirite?
Breakfast. Lemme tell you how much I used to love breakfast and brunch. But as I figured out more ways to heal my gut, I realized that standard breakfast foods made with dairy, gluten and eggs were causing much more trouble than they were worth. Then I learned about intermittent fasting, and lemme tell you how much my gut has improved since I started fasting for 16 hours every single day by cutting out breakfast. For me it’s the single greatest anti-inflammatory strategy I’ve ever tried, and I don’t think I’ll ever go back.
The Democrats. Back in the day (ie leading up to the first Obama election) I believed in them completely. But jeez, they’ve fucked it up pretty bad in the past decade (and they just killed the shutdown without getting anything in return but some vague promises), and I no longer trust the older Party establishment figures to lead us forward. From now on I want young, fresh, progressive leaders, like the ones who just got elected. I voted for those candidates in my recent local election, and I’ll keep doing it in the midterms and in ‘28.