The Realm of Pure Chocolate (From the Archive)

This woman taught me something that changed everything!

Editor’s Note: this piece was first published in late 2023. What I was trying to convey here still holds true in my beliefs, namely that cherishing is a sacred and necessary act for human wellbeing. The corporation-engineered “attention economy” doesn’t want us to cherish, because it’s too slow, too meaty and meaningful, and therefore too hard to monetize. But come on, you know how good it feels to cherish something or someone, how nourished and full you are in those moments. So, if you need it, let this piece be permission to commune with chocolate (or a loved one) today.

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Astonishing, always, the flash flood of intimacy that can burst from strangers, especially among women. Whenever I’m traveling I look forward to it. Recently I was sitting in a quiet corner of the airport, waiting for my flight to start boarding. Across from me in a nearby chair I saw a middle-aged woman with pink cheeks and frizzy grey-red hair reach into her bag. She lowered her face mask and slipped something in her mouth, and started chewing slowly. Her eyes were closed, and although her face had been tense, it began to soften. Her shoulders stopped hunching, and she relaxed back in her chair. She chewed and chewed, and I could see her cheeks flush wild and ruddy. With her eyes still closed she swallowed, and a small smile crinkled the corners of her mouth. She looked completely serene, as if everything was right in her world.

She caught me staring and I looked away, but she laughed and introduced herself. Her name was Amy*, and when I asked her what she’d just been eating that made her look so radiant, she told me this story:

Amy grew up on a farm in rural Idaho. She came from a large family, with 6 brothers and sisters. Everyone on the farm worked hard, including the kids, who did chores and tended the animals before and after school. Despite the family’s efforts, there was never much money to go around. Yet Amy’s mother didn’t want her kids to feel deprived, so she always tried to find them a weekly treat that they could enjoy. She baked them scones from a family recipe, sweetening them with cinnamon when there was no sugar. She made sweet corn pudding with fresh, creamy cow’s milk, and grew sugar snap peas in the garden, which she doled out like candy after the kids had done their homework. But of all the treats that Amy’s mother gave her and her siblings, their absolute favorite was chocolate.

It was terribly hard to come by. Even if there was enough extra cash to buy some, the only place in their county that sold chocolate bars was the local gas station, which often ran out of them for months at a time. 

When Amy’s mother was able to get her hands on a chocolate bar, she had to be strategic about dividing it fairly among the kids. She would cut it into 6 equal pieces on the kitchen table and let them choose which one they wanted. Most of the kids snatched up their piece and devoured it right there in the kitchen, but Amy had a different method. She would take her piece to her room, sit down on her bed, and stare at it for a while, noticing its melty edges and rich dark center. She’d bring it up to her face and take a deep, sweet sniff, feeling happiness flow through her nose. 

Finally Amy would place the candy on her tongue, and that’s when she’d enter what she called, The Realm of Pure Chocolate. She would stop time in her mouth, so that as she chewed, the incredible flavor seemed to go on forever, a wave of chocolate rushing through her being, sweetening everything inside and out. The experience was so intense that she often had to lie down for a nap afterward.

I don’t remember the last time I savored something that much. Yes I do. It was last night, sitting close on the couch with my husband after dinner, laughing together at the comedy we were watching. Hubz is a big man with a big laugh, and I could feel it rippling against my ribs, low and slow like a good bass line. I got married late in life, a complete rookie. Fate, luck, chance, karma, who the fuck knows? We can’t predict how love will arrive. Life can make us contract into small, bland versions of ourselves. But to savor something is to cherish it, and inside the cherishing we are bold and infinite.

*name and some details changed for privacy