My Never-Fails Housecleaning Secret
You're probably already doing it, just lean in!
Among the theories of human nature that I have accumulated in more than 50 years of being alive, one stands out as the most obvious: when it comes to dealing with anxiety, some people are Wallowers, and some people are Tidiers. If you're not sure which one you are, look around at your living space. Is it cluttered, bulging with stuff? Do you shove the stuff aside when you want to sit down on the couch, or sit at the table to eat dinner, or lie down on your bed? When you finally land there at the end of the day, do you luxuriate in the extra bed stuff, enjoying its warmth close around you, like a dragon wallowing in his pile of golden treasure?
Friend, that is not me! I am a Tidier. If the recycle box is overflowing, I will take out all the items and origami them into a smaller shape. If the shelf lamps are angled sideways, I will adjust them, and rearrange their configuration for maximum lighting. If the forks and knives are jumbled in the cutlery drawer, stand back while I untangle and reorder them. There. Isn’t that better? Objectively, yes!
It’s such a gift to live with a Tidier, because we are also cleaners. Give me a damp rag and some mild soap and I’ll whip this place into shape. No no, don’t put that banana peel on the counter! Place it in the correct receptacle whilst I scrub away the evidence of your crime. Now run and fetch the broom, I feel an urge to sweep the kitchen and every single room in the house, and maybe even the front steps and the patio.
Of course, there’s a dark side to being a Tidier. Can I just tell you that our kitchen has some cabinets that are too high for me to reach?? I’ve never been able to clean them, and it vexes me. I’m terribly vexed! What the hell is going on inside them? Spiders could be building a nest. Water could be leaking from some mysterious place. Dust bunnies could be unionizing up there, for all I know. I recently asked Hubs, who is Very Very Tall, to tell me WTF was happening in those cabinets, but he was gleefully mute on the subject. I think he might be hiding rogue snacks in them. Vexing! But he has to have some kind of sanctuary from my tidying, and that’s probably good for a marriage, a small refuge from the other’s well-meaning but pathological tendencies.
In any case, my house is clean and clear. But don’t think I don’t see the irony of trying to soothe anxiety by doing things that cause more anxiety (those fucking cabinets!!). Secretly I’ve always suspected that Wallowers enjoy better mental health, but I can’t change, and neither can you. We’re gonna have to muster a mutual respect. We need each other more than we think, especially during such a fractious and divisive era.
But OK, I know you’re here for my big secret, the one I mentioned in the title of this piece. From me, a Tidier, to all the Wallowers out there, here it is: ABC, Always Be Carrying! You know the expression, “A place for everything, and everything in its place?” Things cannot reach their places unless you carry them there.
You’re probably already doing this in tiny ways. For example, you don’t leave your dishes on the table after you eat, do you? At the very least you place them in the sink. And you don’t leave your toilet paper dispensers bare. You walk over to the cabinet, grab a roll, carry it back and place it on the thing. See? It’s all happening!
Now you just need to dial it up. Every time you get up to move from one place to another, look around for something to carry, and drop it off on your way. I swear, once you start ABC-ing, you’ll notice an immediate difference: laundry will no longer languish in the hamper. Books will no longer clutter up the coffee table. Jewelry will no longer tangle itself on the nightstand. It’s wonderful! Your house will welcome you with clear surfaces and wide-open spaces. Just… stay out of the high cabinets. Some things are best forgotten, or at least un-tidied.
In our house we often swallowed by our wallowing - but when we finally get around to tidying it feels glorious!
Love this post. We always enjoy a glimpse into other's lives. I'm definitely a carrier too! Living on a small sailboat means tidying daily, so you don't ever go from here to there, even if it's only five steps, empty-handed.