My New Midlife Sex Theory
It's gonna work for you!
Hi, before I get into this, I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: please donate to your local food bank!! Right now there are children in your community who are going hungry because of cuts to SNAP programs, and they deserve all the kindness and generosity that we can afford. Click the link above to locate your local ones and donate.
Now let’s get to some good stuff:
Look, it’s simple. I’m about to have another birthday, and this is the time of year when I reflect on shit from the past and try to, I don’t know… mark some progress? For example: when I was a teen and roaring to start having sex (with people other than myself), I believed that it would be something I could always count on to provide pleasure, adventure, and stress relief. My faith in it was so strong that once I got going, I almost never talked about sex with my partners (except for the obligatory condom conversation that all GenX straights had to have). I knew how to get what I needed and wanted from the men I chose, and there didn’t seem to be much else to say.
But now there’s a piece of advice that I give my midlife girlfriends all the time, which is that they should talk about sex, and put the word good in front of it.
Good sex! It’s everything! But it’s maybe harder to achieve now than in the past, for all the obvious reasons including (but not limited to) reduced sex drive, vaginal changes, aging body anxiety, etc. To counteract these things and achieve good sex, we need more than we used to: more foreplay, more accessories (you’re stocked up on lube, right?), and generally more consideration of our needs.
Life is shorter than it used to be, and there’s no reason that any of us should be wasting it on bad sex. My theory is that putting the word “good” in front of it sets expectations for all parties involved, and invites inquiry from your partner about what exactly good sex means to you.
Now I’m going to confess that I stole my theory about good midlife sex from my friend Dr
, a Board certified OBGYN who wrote an entire book about it! The book is so good and strong and spicy that it got banned in some places before it was even published! I’m going to interview her and the publisher of the book, the one and only , right here on Womancake, this coming Wednesday at 1pm PST. I’m going to ask them about the genesis of the book, how it’s doing in the world, and a few questions about midlife sex that I’ve gathered from readers.
100% agree! I also recommend the long ramp to good sex that includes flirty texting (which is like talking, right?)
And there are so many lube choices and it comes in all sizes so you can have it stashed in purse, backpack, etc.
Yes to lube! And I'm serious about the anticipation phase too. I like looking forward to sex, like knowing my SO and I have a date for some afternoon delight (one of the perks of working from home) and my experience tells me that it helps prime the pump, too, in multiple ways. We all know the main erogenous zone is the brain, right? So thinking about having sex gets you in the mood. And we need that mental foreplay more and more as we age.