Un-Hate The Rainbow

Everyone deserves to live and love free.

Last weekend Hubs drove us across the city to hike in a gorgeous park that we haven’t visited since before the Pandemic. He missed the exit so our drive was longer than it should have been, but I didn’t mind because secretly I love to car wander more than anything.

I turned up the radio, which was set to KEXP, our local (extremely awesome) independent music station. They play a ton of new music made by the youngs, but there are GenX DJs on staff who mix in some classic stuff, plus some fresh songs that reference the past (which is all music!).

A song by a new artist came on that reminded me a bit of Khruangbin, a bit of Prince, and a bit of some old surf bands from the 70s. The music was pretty, and the magic part of my brain started to get excited, but about halfway through I realized I couldn’t dive in. Although the artist had put a ton of care into the playing of instruments, singing of lyrics, and recording of frequencies, he was attempting to manufacture a feeling, rather than genuinely expressing one.

If this seems like a trivial differentiation, I assure you it is not. It is, in fact, what separates good art from bad. It’s also what separates good love from bad, and I hold that this is not subjective. Manufacturing love for someone cannot compare to expressing love that radiates from our place of deepest honesty and raw truth. You know this.

When I was a kid in the 80s I heard a lot of adults talk about gay people in a way that I’ve never forgotten: They should just marry someone and stay quiet, it would be a lot safer! Marriage was a strictly hetero endeavor back then, so the idea was that it would provide shelter, or at least cover, from the cruelties of a deeply homophobic world. Imagine that: you have to enter into a life-long union with someone, and keep your true feelings, your true self, tamped down forever. Is that a good way to live? Is it fair?

The irony of the “get married and keep quiet” suggestion, which perpetuates homophobia under the guise of benevolence, was not lost on me. But I didn’t know how to speak up and challenge it, and for that I am eternally sorry, and we all should be.

If you are heterosexual and your beliefs about queerness have a musty homophobic tinge, wake the fuck up and realize that everything you ever did in the name of love was sanctioned by society. This is the bulwark of privilege that we straights took for granted from the moment we first realized our straightness. Remember that moment? Mine was at age 6, when Han Solo first strutted across the silver screen. Human sexuality is not hard to figure out. But it needs acknowledgement, acceptance, medically accurate education and cultural reflection to thrive. It needs truth. More than anything, it needs genuine love.

The LGBTQ+ rainbow is real, and the more we embrace it, the more we are in harmony with Nature and the simple fact of biological variation. How do you know when you love someone? You just know. Every human knows instinctively. No one should have to hide in shame or fear, living a lie that holds them down. We know better, and we can do better. More to the point, queer people in our country and all over the world are in constant danger, and their stress and struggle is real. Call the rainbow people in your life, and say this: Happy Pride! I love you, and I’m proud of you, and I’m here.

Here’s some further education (click around these sites to donate):

Planned Parenthood’s medically accurate sex education info.

Human Rights Campaign’s allyship intro.

The Trevor Project’s suicide prevention network for young people.

Lambda Legal’s fight for LGBTQ+ people in the courts.

The Trans LifeLine peer-to-peer support service.